Basic Principles: "The Ten Understandments" for Doing it Right: 

1. Conflict is not good or bad, it just is. 
 Treating conflict as 
  a) a part of live/unavoidable/neither good nor evil and 
  b) an opportunity for positive change and growth 

2. Don't get mad, don't get even, get what you want 
  Focus on your interest 

3. Separate the people from the problems 
  Don't make it personal 

4. The four A's
 Active listening- show that you understand by restating 
 Acknowledgment of the other party (their authority and competence) 
 Agreeing with the other party (where you can) 
 Apologizing wherever possible (and watch what happens) 

5. Make "I" statements instead of "you" statements. 
 "I feel... when you..." instead of "you're a jerk" 

6. Instead of "but..." say "yes and ..." 
 Move from an argument to acknowledgment and refocusing on the problem. 

7. Don't react 
 De-escalate by taking time to think rather than voicing anger in a reflexive, defensive manner.  Refocus on the problem rather than responding to each argument. 

8. Ask "why?", "what if?", "what makes that fair?". 
 Open-ended question concerning the other party's positions and their fairness. 

9. Ask about alternatives to reaching a mutual agreement. 
 What will happen if you take the conflict to the next level: physical violence, lawsuit, police? 

10. Negotiate even when you can "win". 
 Preserve relationships, you may need their help and support one day.